Happy Birthday, Mary!

Today marks the 22nd year on the globe for my baby sister Mary. Even though it’s been hard for us these past couple years as she’s been in California while I’ve been in Missouri, we will always be best friends. I’m so proud of her for following her dream and touching the lives of everyone she meets in San Diego. I love you, Mary!

And, in honor of this day, I give you seven photos that pretty much sum up our relationship (and these, too).

Our first trip to San Diego.

Hamming it up for a photo in the ghetto of Oakland.

Pretending to be Daniel Jackson and Jack O'Neill. Because of course.

Pretending to be drunk at Mary's going-away party (the hardest thing we'd drunk that evening was soda).

Devouring burgers at Hodad's in San Diego.

Being pensive at Larabee State Park, Bellingham, Washington, on our first trip together.

Naptime!

Shoreline, Emerald Isle, North Carolina

Simplify, Simplify

Whether or not you like Walden, almost everyone can agree with Thoreau’s famous imperative statement: “Simplify, simplify.” The idea of simplicity has been on my mind lately. It is, in the churches that remember church history, a spiritual discipline; it is a way of life that leads to freedom.

I’m still figuring out what simplicity means on a practical level, and some preliminary thought has come up with this:

Weeding down the amount of stuff I own. “Have nothing your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” (Not sure who said this, but it’s great advice.)

Managing my time better so I can focus on my priorities.

Learning to cook, clean, and do other housework efficiently (before I have kids and have to be efficient!).

Focusing on one thing at a time.

Not obsessing over money.

Organizing my house so I can actually find everything.

Throwing away broken things instead of having a running list of “things I need to sew/patch/fix” but never do. (I’m all for reusing stuff, but I tend to keep those torn-crotch jeans I plan to recycle in my drawer for years without ever doing anything about them.)

Keeping my memories in a single journal, instead of scattering programs and ticket stubs all over the house.

Focusing on giving.

Reading more, surfing the Internet less.

Has this been on anyone else’s mind? What do you think simplicity means for you?

~~~

100-Word Memoir: Childhood Expectations, Courtesy of TV, Books, and My Own Sense of Normality

As a kid, I had certain expectations of the world. For instance:

All children, except my siblings and friends, were brats. Still, it was important to be nice to overweight children and kids with glasses, because they were teased constantly and ruthlessly. The same applied to kids from divorced homes, because their lives were terrible.

All normal children attended public school and were Catholic. (Homeschooled Protestants like myself were weird.)

The entire purpose of college was to meet your future spouse. 

Every ordinary child had an invisible friend. (I felt guilty that I didn’t.)

Someday, I was going to die.

~~~

Miscellaneous Thoughts about Marriage from the One-Year Mark

Zachary and I are back from the Lake of the Ozarks, and now that I’m caught up on my editing (though not my freelancing or housework), I have time for a quick blog. I feel like I can’t let our paper anniversary go by without musing a bit. 

(Disclaimer: all these musings refer to Christian marriage, which means a man and a woman who enter in a covenant to love each other with God’s love and stay faithful with God’s faithfulness until death, no matter what.)

Here’s what I wrote in my diary a few days ago:

We're not mad at each other. We're mad at the ticks.

1. One year is hardly any time at all.

2. The first year of marriage doesn’t have to be the hardest, despite what people say. (“Oh, you’re in your first year?” they say to me, nodding knowingly. “The first year is the worst.” I just nod politely.)

3. My mom often told me, “If you can get along with your siblings, you can get along with anyone,” and it’s true. So much of the first-year drama was avoided because Zachary and I are used to sharing space, time and compromises with family members.

4. Marry your best friend. Romance is wonderful, but most of your time spent together will just be hanging out.

5. The Bible (particularly the epistles, but also Revelation and all the books of prophecy) has a slew of new insights and instructions when you’re married.

6. Lyon’s Frozen Custard, and then a Pixar movie at the dollar theatre, is the best cheap date.

7. Covenant commitment is so, so wonderful. We know that we are together till death, no matter what.

Chillin' in Portland

8. “You’re right” are words that go a long way in most situations.

9. It’s really nice, despite the inconvenience, for a woman to take her husband’s name. Names are powerful, and sharing his strengthens the sense of oneness.

10. Marriage does not exist to make you happy. It is there to be a picture of Christ and the church, his bride— which is, by the way, much better than trying to be happy.

~~~

Johnson's Shut-Ins State Park, Missouri

This is a cool place.

One Year

As of tomorrow, Zachary and I will have been married one full year. This statement still surprises me. Where did the time go? With a rush, it’s autumn again, and the leaves are falling, and I’m thinking of what to get my family for Christmas. But also, has it only been a year? Haven’t we been married much longer than that? Life with him seems so natural, like it’s always been this way. 

Soon another year will fly by and I’ll find myself here again, wondering how it could possibly be November again. I’m excited about this year. I’m determined to savor it. One way or the other, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, I’m looking forward to another year of life with my best friend. I love you, Zachary.

Six Pics from Halloween

Yesterday marked the first Halloween in my own house! Zachary and I prepared by buying a massive bag of name-brand candy. Unfortunately, it seems that the kids in our neighborhood don’t believe in trick-or-treating… a grand total of nine kids showed up on our doorstep. They all got a lot of candy.

Still, we got to hang out with family, dress up, and eat yummy food! So, although it wasn’t the Halloween I was expecting, it was still good.

These are sugar cookies— way better than actual candy corns!

Zachary carved this adorable kitty.

INDEED.  (Any fellow Stargate fans out there?)

I also threw in some toys, which were, surprisingly, more popular than the candy.

Zach as Beren (note the missing right hand) and me as Luthien (from The Lay of Leithian).

On Shyness, Travel, and Extroversion

When I was first getting to know my husband-to-be on our tour from Illinois to Oregon, I remarked offhandedly that I’m really shy. Shocked, Zachary replied, “You’re the least shyest person I know!”

This was a revelation to me, although it shouldn’t have been. I considered what he said. I realized that the entire trip, I had been ridiculously extroverted, especially when I’d noticed (with much gleeful hand-rubbing) that he was shy. My desire to befriend him made me chase him like a lion after a gazelle, pestering him with question upon question and sharing all about myself. 

As I thought back to my other travels, I realized that this was always how I acted on the road. I wanted to talk to everyone; I wanted to hear their stories. I wanted to talk about the weather and culture and history of where they come from. I wanted to hear about their families and talk about mine. I wanted to know what they believe about God and religion and morality. I wanted to know their passions, their favorite food, their travel adventures. On all my trips, I was anything but shy!

Yet at home, both then and now, I all too often dissolve into the silent girl squirming under someone’s attentive gaze, avoiding eye contact and trying very hard to keep my hands still— as I have done almost my entire life.

A combination of my parents’ hard work, some friends pursuing me in my awkward teenage years, and drama class coaxed me out of my initial shell. I learned that I didn’t have to be shy around strangers. I often overcompensated and seemed eager to the point of maniacal attention. But I preferred to be seen as annoying rather than unnoticeable, because I find people fascinating.

Travel is the perfect construct for meeting new people and having intense conversations, whether it’s the girl you’re volunteering with, the guy you meet at the hostel, or the random lady walking her dog in your sightseeing town. Almost everyone is willing to talk to you if you’re from out of town.

At home, those constructs go away. My fearless travel persona starts to melt at the edges. I forget to make eye contact with the Walmart clerk. I stutter and stare at the floor. I stand in the corner at a party, oddly exhausted at the thought of trying to initiate a conversation. 

Over and over, I’ve tried to figure out the difference between people I don’t know on the road and people I don’t know at home. I haven’t been able to figure it out yet. 

So if I see you in person and I seem stiff or awkward— or if I’m way too extroverted and up in your face— please forgive me. It’s a delicate balance, and staying on that tightrope is proving to be much, much harder than I expected.

~~~

Travel Tip Tuesdays: 15 Ways to Pass Time in an Airport

Also, 16: Taking useless pictures

(These tips also apply to a bus/train station, or anywhere else you’re stuck for a while.)

1. Read. 

2. Wave at people. See how many you can get to wave back.

3. Look first at a person’s shoes and see if you can guess what that person looks like.

4. Do some stretches or discreet exercises (balancing on one foot is an excellent core exercise). 

5. Watch some people talking out of earshot and make up their conversation.

6. Take a walk. Bonus points if there are any moving sidewalks to ride.

7. Journal.

And 17: Getting other people to take pictures of you.

8. Give yourself a neck or hand massage.

9. Strike up a short conversation with the person next to you.

10. Call home.

11. Pretend to answer a phone call and make up a ridiculous one-sided conversation (or gibberish words) that will make the people around you curious.

12. Doodle.

13. Memorize a quote (or Bible verse) or the words to a song you’ve been meaning to learn by heart.

14. Spend some time in front of the bathroom mirror trying out new hairstyles.

15. Walk up to the wrong gate, get a panicked look, drop your bag, pick it up in a flustered way, and dash off to the next gate. Repeat.

~~~