How to Murder a Lawn: The Scintillating Sequel

For the record, that "Grateful Thankful Blessed"-style shirt I'm wearing is my Halloween cast shirt, which says "Lose your head to the Queen of Hearts." I don't wear that font unless murder is involved.

Ever since Zach and I murdered our backyard lawn in February, the question has hovered over us: When would the front lawn meet its demise? Aside from the construction of a 5’x12’ sweet potato bed in May, we bided our time, waiting, as Jack Sparrow would say, “for the opportune moment.”

That moment came in early October, when my parents and their neighbor were having a couple trees taken down in their yards. Mom asked the contractor what he was doing with the wood chips, and later that afternoon we got a call from the guy asking where we wanted them dropped off. Within the hour he had dumped about fifteen cubic yards of freshly-chipped wood and leaves alongside our house— a value of at least $400, for free! (He left his business card, too, saying he’d be happy to drop off chips anytime. I feel like I’ve won the jackpot!)

Zach and I scrambled double-time to try to get our mulch pile into action. We disassembled the sweet potato bed and rearranged the blocks to enclose one half of the yard. We bought a bunch of cinderblocks for the other half (thank you Dad for letting us borrow your SUV!), which I think look cool in an industrial sort of way. We laid down cardboard he’d picked up for free at Walmart, and spent hours shoveling mulch. Zach even bought some mushroom spawn to inoculate the wood chips, in hopes of getting a crop in the spring, but we’ll see. 

We weren’t able to completely finish the yard, due to our square foot gardens still having veggies in them. After the greens die (which will be a while yet; kale and chard are hardy), we’re going to pull up the square foot gardens and remove the weed cloth underneath them, using biodegradable cardboard instead. But, for the most part, the yard is finished.

Even though the city’s Community Development truck drove veeery slowly past our house the first day, no one’s hassled us about it, and I’m hoping in the spring to plant a cornucopia of flowers, herbs, and veggies that will beat a boring ol’ lawn any day. In the meantime, I’m excited that we’re continuing to expand our permaculture dreams into the front yard, where all the world can (hopefully) see the beauty and joy of growing your own food.

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