As most of you know, my parents (and, intermittently, brother and sister) have experienced a lot of major health problems over the past two years. In that time, I have gotten to see a variety of ways that friends and family deal with people being in and out of the hospital, in pain, and dealing with mysterious illnesses. Some deal with it well. Others don’t. And so today, to channel some of my pent-up stress (with the situation in general, not actual people), here is an open blog to anyone who has a friend who is sick or in the hospital.
~~~
Dear friend of a person who is sick,
Right now, you’re concerned about your friend, who is dealing with illness and might even be in the hospital. You want to help, but you feel powerless. You might respond in any number of ways, but let me help guide you to some positive ones.
First, here are some things you shouldn’t do:
Don’t ever ever ever offer advice unless you are explicitly asked to do so.
Likewise, don’t ever tell the story of your Uncle Jim’s battle with the same illness that left him braindead until he died. Unless the story ends happily, it will just freak out the patient and his/her family. Even if it does end happily, you still don’t need to share it.
Don’t ask too many questions to the people responsible for the patient. Sure, you’re curious about the patient’s symptoms, when things started going wrong, what pain medicine he/she is on, etc. Grilling the patient and the patient’s family is your way of showing that you care. One word: DON’T. The people taking care of the patient are already stressed to the max and may feel that you are interrogating them. You don’t need to know everything that’s going on.
Don’t criticize someone’s treatment plan. A surgery may seem radical, but that’s not your decision. Also, don’t freak out if someone is trying alternative medicine. Yes, a lot of Eastern medicine does seem like bone-crunching Voodoo, but it’s not. Studies have proven that accupuncture, accupressure, reflexology, chiropractice, etc. are extremely effective. It doesn’t take a witch-doctor to surmise that the things you put in your body— food and drink, which are absorbed and processed, and keep your body running on fuel— affect what your health is like. Don’t be ignorant. Try to understand.
Now, some things to do:
Ask if there’s anything you can do to help, and if the patient says no, leave it at that. Sometimes you can be most helpful by staying out of the way.
Listen, listen, listen, listen. Do not argue, do not judge, do not try to “fix” anything. Just listen.
Send a card or flowers. This is a great way to show that you care that puts no social pressure on the patient or his/her family.
Know your audience. The “positive affirmation” approach does not work for everyone. For instance, when I’ve been sick or I’m stressed, the best thing someone can say to me is, “Wow, that sucks. I can’t imagine what it must be like. I’m praying for you.”
Cherish, nourish, and appreciate your health. It is a tremendous gift. Your sick friend is a reminder to you not to take health for granted.
Love, Lisa
~~~
No comments:
Post a Comment