Eye Shadow and Expression

 

A few days ago, there was a ruckus at a local library because an angry mom was protesting one of the male staff members wearing eye shadow and nail polish. She claimed that the employee was wearing drag and shoving his sexuality in people's faces— two accusations so clichéd, it's exhausting. She rustled up a couple dozen supporters to protest, who were apparently met with a much larger counter-protest.

(It turns out that the organizer of the original protest was someone I knew— more surprisingly, someone I knew from the theater scene. We've performed together for years alongside many a man sporting eye shadow. I've performed in drag multiple times in this setting, donning a beard or a three-cornered hat and breeches to portray a gender that I'm not. When I read the news I texted her, though I haven't heard back.)

There are so many things wrong about this that my brain doesn't know where to begin. That wearing eye shadow is not drag. That gender-non-conforming expression has taken on many forms through the years, including my husband's long hair and my pants. That drag is not an indication of someone's gender identity or sexuality. That drag and gender-non-conformity and being trans are three different things. That choosing to put color on one's nails does not mean a person is "shoving their sexuality" in anyone's face. That fashion and sexuality are not connected, and that sexuality and gender identity are two separate things. That children will probably not even notice such things because these are arbitrary rules that grown-ups make up. That if gender is the same as sex and that both are as immutable and unchangeable as some people say they are, then why are they so hellbent about policing people's fashion choices?

And so my brain runs in circles, baffled that this is where the battle lines are being drawn. Pride Month begins in a few days, and I know that my LGBTQIA+ friends are carrying a lot of burdens and a lot of fear as litigation continues to threaten their rights all over the country. As I consider how to be a useful ally during these tumultuous times, I keep coming back to the notion of celebrating those who dare to express themselves, even when others don't understand. I'm grateful for the countless people who have challenged gender norms throughout history, so that my long-haired husband and my pants-wearing self can go out in public without anyone thinking a thing about it. In the meantime, I work for a future where everyone can express themselves without fear.

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