I love lists.
My life is full of them. Daily and long-term, house projects, people to send cards to, books to read, books I've already read, podcasts to check out, articles to read, what to make for dinner, grocery, dreams and goals, random thoughts that come to my head, blog posts I want to publish. These lists are scribbled in notebooks and on scrap paper, in the "Stickies" app of my computer and the "Notes" app on my phone, in a hundred word documents throughout my laptop. I'm the kind of person who will write an item on my to-do list after I've already done it, and then immediately cross it off.
And yet, for most of the past couple years, I have had a really hard time getting anything done.
There was a pandemic happening, and I gave myself permission to let that kinda swallow me for a while. But eventually, I realized that I was just plain miserable. I spent much of my days mindlessly scrolling social media and binge-eating. I was out of shape (my beloved weekend hikes were starting to kick my butt) and depressed and listless and could not seem to do anything I actually wanted to do. I had good days, but mostly I felt like I was drifting through life in a fog, numbing rather than living.
Because of the way the weeks fell this year, I ended up having a month-long winter break from my teaching, and I knew I'd have a lot of empty space to fill. There was so much I wanted to do! Yet I knew how weeks could slip away without any sense of structure— if I got to the first day of class having accomplished nothing over the break, it wouldn't be the first time. So I sat down and decided to try to figure out how to give myself some structure and some goals in a way that made sense for me.
I needed a better list. So I made one.
After five solid weeks of using this list (including juggling it with my regular work schedule), I can honestly say that I'm in a much better emotional/mental place than I was before. The difference feels like night and day. Of course, a list by itself can't make you happy, but I honestly believe that the habits the list has been helping me cultivate have had a profound impact. I read once that the opposite of a "vicious cycle" is a "virtuous cycle," where good habits build on each other, and this method has helped me do this.
Everyone is different, and what works for one person will not work for another. But in case anyone reading this has a similar personality, here's what I did that worked for me.
1. I thought about my goals. I wanted to start blogging regularly again, as well as start work on consolidating all of my travel journals throughout the years into a whole book about my seven solo-ish journeys in my early twenties. I wanted to declutter the house and my computer files. I wanted to cook more, since I had slipped into the habit of not planning ahead, which sent me (and Zach) into a junk-food spiral. I wanted to get stronger and make my muscles more flexible (I am one of the least flexible people I've ever met!). I wanted to spend time on my hobbies. I wanted to read consistently. I wanted to reach out to people more.
In the past, I might've written out each of these goals onto a list, then tucked it away and probably done little about it. But I had learned something very important about what was effective…
2. I thought about how those goals could be accomplished with habits. Instead of, "Write a book," my habit could be writing for one hour a day. Instead of "Declutter the house," it was "Declutter for 20 minutes a day." Instead of "Spend more time on hobbies," it was "Play piano every day." Instead of "Eat healthier," it was "Make your favorite green smoothie every morning."
Most writing on the subject will urge you to not try to start multiple habits at once— it sets you up for failure. But inspired by the author Gretchen Rubin's research on habit-making, I embraced this truth about myself: sometimes big changes are easier than small ones. A month-long break from my work is something that I am incredibly privileged to be able to do (thanks to Zach being the breadwinner of the family), and I wanted to make it count.
3. I made a special chart with all the habits I wanted to do. In the middle of a notebook page, I wrote the habits, along with a time allotment for most of them. "Tidy- 15 minutes. Cook- 1/2 hour. Write- 1 hour." Many of them can be done in 15 minutes or less, and some of them are 5-minute tasks.
Then, I added blocks that I can check off every day, Tuesday through Saturday (Sunday/Monday is our weekend). That way, I could see how many of the habits I practiced over the course of the entire work week with a clear, visual representation.
4. I came in with the expectation that I would not complete the whole list every day. This is a huge personality thing! Some people will despair if they can't get to their whole to-do list each day, but for me, being able to get most things done is a triumph (if my to-do list has three items, one will get done; if it has twenty, ten will get done). It also keeps me from falling into a perfectionist habit— if my whole to-do list could be easily crossed off every day, I would feel depressed if I missed a few tasks, but if I focus more on an overall pattern of habits, it keeps me motivated.
5. Every two weeks, I refine the list. This helps me regularly reevaluate how I want to spend my time, and can also give me some realistic feedback on what's working or what isn't. My original list had "Do yard work" on it, but I overestimated my motivation to get outside and work in the garden when it's freezing out, so I simply took it off the list (for now— it'll go back on soon!). I adjusted the times to fit my schedule, and combined or separated categories ("Tidy" and "Clean" were two different tasks, but now they're lumped together; my "Play music/do art" category ended up always just being piano practice, so I made "Play music" its own item in the next list).
6. I'm super proud to announce that I have some new healthy habits! For the first time in my life, I'm stretching for 15 minutes every day— this is a habit I'd always said I wanted, but never actually done despite tons of attempts. I can tell it's a habit because I want to do it even on weekends. I've been playing piano again, keeping up with the housework more easily, and reaching out more socially. I've started journalling for a few minutes most days, and have been consistently writing (working on blog posts, personal reflections, and my book) an hour a day, five days a week. I've even done some (incredibly mild) strength training on the exercise equipment at the local park, which involves a healthy dose of fresh air, an excuse to listen to podcasts, and a chance to watch the latest squirrel shenanigans (the exercise area is surrounded by oak trees).
And, honestly, I'm happier. Last week I had a day where I felt super depressed— and for the first time in a very long time, it felt like a phase rather than my Unalterable Reality. For the first time in months if not years, happiness is consistently feeling realer than depression. Of course much of this can be chalked up to going to therapy and learning to trust myself more, but these habits are supporting me and keeping me in the best possible place to take advantage of how I'm growing, building, and healing this year.
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| This week's version of the list |
So, why did this method work so well for me? Well, four reasons:
1. My life is incredibly repetitive, and this list embraces that. It can be boring to do repetitive chores or habits, and I would feel a sense of frustration when I would either put the same item on my to-do list every day (making it feel futile) or when I would not do something because it wasn't on my to-do list. This kind of chart helps me see, in a visual way, the good choices I'm making to keep the home clean, my head and heart engaged, and my body healthy. It blesses the repetition rather than wearying of it.
2. It gives me a sense of structure while still being flexible. I'm used to a very free-flow life, but that can have its downsides (especially when depression makes you dissolve into a mire of numbness), so having chunks of activities to complete makes me approach my day like typesetting for a printing press: which chunks go where? I usually do my stretching right after Zach leaves for work, but if it's sunny in the morning and going to rain later, I'll walk to the park for exercise first instead, and shuffle in stretching later. It makes my days feel full and structured in a good way, rather than so free-form that they descend into chaos.
3. I can focus on overall patterns. When I skip some of the habits, it's not a big deal, because I just try again the next day: the point is the overall picture, not how much I get done in a single day. At the end of the week, I can look at how I balanced things. I wrote, journaled, and stretched every day: I am a rock star! Only practiced piano twice? Hm, that'll be something to prioritize next week… and it's better than zero times a week, which is what I was doing before! It's really useful data
4. I love checking off boxes! Seriously, I love it so much that checking off boxes counts as a direct and immediate reward— no external reward required! And the more boxes I check off, the more I want to check off, creating a virtuous cycle. I know all about this impulse, so I harnessed that obsessive quality for good. Understanding myself was the #1 key to making a system that works for me!
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I'd love to hear any methods you have for creating or maintaining good habits! What's been successful for you? What are you proud of yourself for doing?
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