New Year's Eve

 Time flies like

an arrow

but I like

it when there's not a global pandemic

but I guess I should be grateful

because people still shop at Walmart

which means we get Covid bonuses so we can pay off 

our car.

The status quo has served us well, it's true.

We sit in luxury's lap while others drown

and we drop coins in their mouth, like koi fish

and coo at how pretty they are,

how noble.

It's too cold to dive in there

and it might be uncomfortable

and we just paid off 

our car

so can't we just brush off the crumbs

into that cold cold water

and hope it turns out for the best?

Maybe I will draw something because

art is good and

I like to make art and

if I make art maybe I will feel less like a loser and

maybe I will bring something worth bringing to the world.

But oops I forgot to check Instagram and 

there are more things to learn and

I am learning and listening and

art can wait because it's hard and

I just want to read about autistic representation in the media and do nothing about it,

okay?

Today I made three pieces of toast.

I put butter and peanut butter on them and ate them.

I cried for no reason.

There were no tears.

The time flies are buzzing around in my brain

and I can't get them out and it's almost a new year

but it's more of the same and someone please help lol 

jk I'm doing fine and all's good and the revolution is too hard but I ache for it

but maybe I will sweep the floor

and scrub it with Murphy's oil soap

and for a moment,

for a fragile, shining moment,

the house will smell like citronella.

I put a stamp on an envelope.

That is a task.

I feed my sourdough 100 grams of water and 125 grams of flour.

That is a task.

I put the cloth napkins in the hamper.

That is a task.

I reward myself with a butter-and-honey tortilla wrap.

That is a coping mechanism.

The note taped next to my laptop says:

I eat for pleasure and nourishment, not addiction.

I spend my time with things that bring me life, not addiction.

These are lies.

I will live until they are true.

Jupiter and Saturn are drifting apart

but the moon is so bright I don't mind

because Orion is rising to the east, like Juliet,

on his back, trying to decide whether to wake up and go hunting

and I think, lol, same. 

I don't know if I want to cry or scream.

I want to cry.

I just decided.

My tear ducts do not consent.

Screaming is too tiring.

So maybe I will write a poem instead, and work on my freelance project,

and perhaps have a glass of cider and a single mixed drink, half-strength,

to bring in the New Year and

that will be okay.

It will all be okay.

It may crash and burn but somehow, we usually find ways to make things okay.