Some Thoughts for New Year's Eve

Looking back over the past year, I am astonished at the amount of life that I have lived. Images come to mind: Holding my orange-lily bouquet, watching my brother stand at the altar to wait for his bride to enter through the back doors. Riding a rope swing under an almost-full moon in Florida as my new friends perform acrobatics in the tree branches to impress me. Hiking through sand-colored grass and seeing the Rocky Mountains as rows of tattered blue in the distance. Feeling the radiant glow of sunrise on the Grand Canyon. Beating my way through a circle pit of sweaty music fans in a sauna-like tent at Cornerstone. Eating Voodoo doughnuts beside a fountain in downtown Portland at two in the morning. Weeping for joy when Dad was pronounced cancer-free. Dancing the Duke of Kent Waltz with my new boyfriend, my silky dress swirling in folds around me. These are just a few of the thousands of mental snapshots of my past year, just a few of the memories that I have already begun to treasure. It’s been a year of stress and adventure, of growth and unexpected opportunities and intense emotions. It’s been a year worth living. 

Something that I’ve noticed as of late is that, somewhere along the way, I seem to have grown up. This is mostly shown in my increased self-confidence. I’m comfortable being Lisa. Sometimes this shows up in something simple, like wearing athletic shoes with skinny jeans even though that screams horrible fashion sense. Or listening to a band because I like them, regardless of what other people think of their music. It can be something more difficult, like not flinching when someone condemns the choices I’ve made. 

Self-confidence looks an awful lot like pride and/or apathy, because part of self-confidence is not caring what other people think. This should be tempered with being sensitive to what other people need, but all too often, people are afraid to stand tall for fear of looking like a jerk. When someone tells me I’m beautiful, I often don’t hesitate to agree with them. “Thank you, I think so too.” This is often written off as pride— one of the deadliest mistakes someone can make. I was blessed with two good-looking parents, who ending up having four good-looking kids, of which I am one. There is nothing prideful about thinking that I’m beautiful, as long as I don’t derive any of my worth from it, and as long as I can enjoy and appreciate other people’s beauty as well. All in all, this year I’ve learned to care less about what other people think, and have become more comfortable with being who I am. I’m reminded of a quote by Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

So, now that I am comfortable with the past and the present, what about the future? A lot of people make New Year’s resolutions. I usually don’t, just because my goals fluctuate too much, with different priorities taking the front spot on a monthly or even daily basis. Of course, there are things I want to make happen this year— trips to North Carolina, the West coast, and Europe, namely— but more importantly, I want to focus on the intangibles, the goals that can’t be quantified. Only at the end of the year can you look back and see if you were successful or not. Some of these intangible goals include:

Making time for people.

Taking the time to experience life.

Growing in love as a believer.

Being spontaneous and exciting.

Trying new things and pushing my limitations.

Creating more. (See the awesome blog from my friend Joshua.)

Most importantly, I want to continue to resolve to be myself— my true self, the self that is revealed only when it stands in the Light. 

Happy New Year, everyone!

~Lisa Shafter