Are you worried that your trip, vacation, or long-term sojourn is just going to be too much fun? Never fear! I’m hear to tell you 10 simple ways to thwart the enjoyment of any trip. Sound good? Read on…
1. Go into debt to take the trip. There are few things more miserable than financial distress, so if misery is your goal, this is the first way to go about it. Forget saving up for a trip or spending within your means… just blow as much money as you like and pay it back later (with interest)!
2. Have unrealistic expectations. Think that the vacation will be unbroken sunny days with your itinerary going exactly as planned… think that your month of sojourning will be a rapturously meaningful finding-yourself experience… think that all the problems you have at home will magically vanish when you take to the road. These are all excellent set-ups for disappointment.
|Bonus point: Get jet lag. You won't be able to enjoy anything.|
3. If traveling with other people, quibble over insignificant things. Challenge every little decision, bring up endless unhelpful possibilities to any variable, and complain behind the decision-maker’s back.
4. Also, when traveling in a group, be either really selfish, or a martyr. When you demand that everything is your way, or you let everyone else make the decisions and drown yourself in feelings of martyrdom, you are well on your way to a really miserable trip.
5. Spend money on things that don’t matter. Obligatory presents for people at home, expensive hotels, food that you don’t really want to eat, a museum that bores you to tears— you have unending options for this misery-inducing step.
6. Stay chained to your schedule. Create an unrealistic itinerary (see point #2) and stick to it, avoiding flexibility or spontaneity of any kind. You’ll be miserable in no time!
7. Don’t take any rest days. Go, go, go for as many days as possible, all day long, until you’re completely burnt out. This makes you extra grouchy and sucks all the fun out of any trip.
8. If something goes wrong, freak out. Instead of thinking about how to solve the problem or adjust your schedule, have an emotional breakdown. This will make you miserable, and with a little practice, you can make everyone else in your group miserable as well.
9. Be rude and withdrawn toward everyone. Don’t smile or chat with anyone on the bus, at the hotel, or on the street. Make no effort to reach out to anyone, and keep yourself secluded in a little bubble of pure, lonely you.
10. Worry about everything. This is the most sure-fire way to be miserable— and it’s also the easiest. There are always a million things to worry about when you’re on the road, so if you spend just five minutes on each one, you will entirely ruin the trip.
So there you go— ten unbeatable steps to create stress, grouchiness, and just plain misery on any trip. If that’s your goal, it’s easy to succeed. If it’s not your goal, then you need to put in some effort to avoid it. After all, sometimes it’s best to know what not to do.