Friday, July 5, 2013

My Mom, the Drama Queen

My mom is always pulling stunts to try to get attention.

She may look like a sweet, honest, fun-loving mother of four, but really, she is always upset that everything isn’t about her. That’s why she is constantly contracting medical problems, like seizure disorder and random food allergies, so we’ll all pay attention to her. When Eric’s appendix burst, Mom couldn’t stand that he got all the attention, so her appendix burst too. She was determined to contract a worse infection, stay in the hospital longer, and almost die more times than Eric did— and she succeeded.

Sheesh, Mom, can you stop already?

Her latest stunt is developing a severe case of pancreatitis, which has landed her in the hospital for two days already. The normal level for a certain enzyme is the blood is 400— and her count was at 30,000. Overkill much? All of us in-town kids have been to visit her, as she sits propped up in the hospital bed, chatting with people on the phone, reading Calvin and Hobbes, and telling the nurses that she doesn’t need pain medication because she feels fine.

We and a few friends did get to watch the St. Charles fireworks display from the fifth floor of the hospital, which looks right out on the river. So I guess if Mom had to be attention-mongering, Independence Day was a good day to do it.

But seriously, Mom, it’s time to come home. This is just getting ridiculous.


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