Tales from California: Why I Let a Stranger See Me Naked

Written on 2/8/2012

I’m mad at myself.

I’m mad at myself because, despite all my convictions about privacy, despite the way I railed against the new security systems when they first came out, and despite my absolute hatred of them, I stood for one second in a full body scanner today. The security guy told me to, and for half a moment I hesitated. But my politeness surfaced, my desire not to cause waves, my desire to make things painless and to avoid conflict with authority at all costs. I obeyed. I stepped in to the harmless-looking glass case. It scanned me for less than a second, and then I stepped out. If I didn’t know what it was, I could pretend that it was just a fancy metal detector, rather than a highly-advanced computer that just stripped me naked for some guy in a tech booth to analyze. It wasn’t that I didn’t have enough time. I certainly wasn’t running late or risking missing my flight. I just didn’t want to upset the smooth flow of passenger traffic. I didn’t want to cause a scene.

I am a coward and a hypocrite. I’m trying to let it bother me just enough that I will never do it again, in this or any other issue. I believe in taking a stand for something on principle, and I hate it when I don’t live up to my own standards.

Being brave means not just doing the hard things I’m accustomed to, but to be a little rebellious every once in a while. Challenging the status quo. Making waves. Refusing to be plowed under after they wear you down.

I’m zealous about a lot of causes. Perhaps someday I’ll learn how to be zealous about them on a long-term basis. So far, I’ve not been terribly impressed with my own staying power, but I also believe that the important thing is not to beat yourself up, but to keep trying.

~~~