“I’m tired, and don’t think I can scramble among stones much longer tonight— though I grudge the delay. I wish there was a clear path in front of us: then I’d go on till my legs gave way.”
A couple of the decisions in my life— namely, eschewing college or deciding to become a writer— have been absolutely clear. Although in the case of college I dithered around for a while, desperate to find some hidden reason I was overlooking, I was certain which way to choose. Taking a different path would have been wrong for me.
But of course, those are only two decisions. Most every other choice has been a matter of this or that, not right or wrong. Do I stay at the learning center with the teaching job I love, or quit and go off traveling? Should I save up money for security later, or spend it on my trips out west? Do I want to become a full-time nomad, or settle down for a while? None of these questions has a cut-and-dried answer. It’s freeing to know all options are opening, but sobering to know that either path could lead to disaster.
Things get even harder when the questions have more important stakes: Should I pursue a relationship with this guy, or not? If I leave on a trip now, will I be abandoning my family when they need me, or will they be fine? Do I love this person by seeking her out, or by leaving her alone? The path is unclear. I find myself scrambling among the stones.
Although, as Frodo does, I may grudge the delay, I am also thankful for the opportunities that these choices provide. I have few regrets. Whether traveling a highway or crawling through the boulders, I still think it’s best to keep moving forward.
~Lisa Shafter
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