What happens when a three-year-old wakes up deciding that the world is her enemy? Lots of whining, lots of sobbing, lots of screaming, and lots of awkwardness for any unfortunate volunteers who happen to be around when the crisis comes down. I’ve always hated being around when parents are disciplining their children, and today was full of those uncomfortable minutes of trying to look utterly otherwise engaged in the sidewalk cracks or the owner’s manual in the carseat. I’m learning something, I kept on telling myself. I’m learning patience.
I have a theory that it isn’t only the elderly who are deaf— children seem to have no concept of what will break someone else’s eardrums. And when you put two hard-of-hearing people with two toddlers at a lunch table, nerve-fraying noise ensues. At lunch I devoured grilled cheese sandwiches and mushroom soup and, in between wondering why Beki’s dad found it necessary to drop the spoons on the table with an ear-splitting clatter rather than simply setting them down, I told myself, I’m learning something. I’m learning patience.
At last, silence away from anybody else— I found myself planting red-leaf lettuce in the field, just me and my trowel and the bedraggled seedlings and the cloudy sky and the wide plain skirted by mountains. I crouched and troweled up clay-like earth for three hours as my back tensed up in growing horror of the stiff positions I put it through. As if lacking a proper outlet, I was affronted by a trickling stream of bitter memories. This surprised me, although just a year ago I couldn’t imagine a time when I could spend a whole day free of angry thoughts. A chill breeze whipped around me, and I put up my hood, trying to take deep breaths. No matter how many seedlings I planted, the flat of tiny plants seemed to be just as full. I’m learning, something, I thought. Did I mention the patience thing?
At the end of the day, we visited Beki’s friend and I filled my plate with homemade spaghetti and meatballs, spiced with bay and peppers, finishing the meal with the most scrumptious buttery bread pudding I have ever tasted. As I sank into the couch, my ears tuning out the chaos of children around me, I savored every bite of dessert and thought, This is good. This is really good. Sometimes, I have to pause to remember why I’m glad to be here.
~Lisa Shafter
Money spent today: $0
Leeway so far: $83.33
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